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Lego
-- First of all, I ONLY wrote this for fun purposes and hope that I do not offend any of the disabled, Japanese people, people with mental problems, or people with really long last names. I am deeply sorry if any reader is offended by this article, but please don't sue. Lego Shizzletomynizzleveryoneintheworldissmarterthanthisguyhai is the dumbest person in the Universe Hospital Complex. This basically means that he is the dumbest of the dumb, insane, and otherwise screwed-up people. So in his world, that's pretty much the norm. The only things that Mr. Shizzletomynizzleveryoneintheworldissmarterthanthisguyhai can say or do are say "Hai" in Japanese and with pain, and groan from the pain of having said "Hai". Early Life Lego was born to Megablocks BTR and Janet Shizzletomynizzleveryoneintheworldissmarterthanthisguyhai on December 12, 2012. At first, everyone thought he was dead, but just as he was about to be laid to rest in a coffin, Lego finally showed signs of life, yelling "Hai" at the top of his lungs in Japanese and with pain. This scared the hell out of his parents, who immediately fainted dead away, right into the coffins of two other people about to be buried. This created chaos, and everyone started yelling at each other for no reason, while Lego Shizzletomynizzleveryoneintheworldissmarterthanthisguyhai kept groan while continuously saying "Hai" in Japanese and with pain. He fell into a coma for no reason, was left in the cemetery for several years, and wasn't found until 9999. Transfers In the year 9999, Lego Shizzletomynizzleveryoneintheworldissmarterthanthisguyhai was found by Officer Nurse of the Dream Police, who got into his head and ate his brain. Officer Nurse then took Lego to an orphans' home, but he proved too dumb to move and was re-transferred to an outhouse from the year 5678. He still proved too dumb to move, let alone go to the bathroom. The beggar living there kicked him out after about 365 years of shock that someone was in HIS outhouse. His wife and kids never saw him again. Lego lay in a pile of horse manure where the beggar, a strong man and now about 50 miles away from the pile of manure, had kicked him. He lay there for several more years until he scared the farmer's wife, who tried to cut off his head with a carving knife, since he had accidentally landed on three blind mice. Th farmer came running out of the dell just before the knife hit his neck, and accidentally cut himself. He howled and transformed into an action figure. The farmer's wife went to her catapult and catapulted the farmer action figure and Lego off the farm and right onto Officer Fat Nurse, Officer Nurse's brother. Officer Fat Nurse knew about Lego, and so transferred him to a public bathroom, where he was tied to the wall and used as white noise. That didn't work. If you're wondering why, think if you were going to the bathroom and saw a guy taped to the wall continuously yelling "Hai" "groan" "Hai" groooooan" "Hai" "GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNN"- you get my point. So, poor, unfortunate Lego was yet again transferred. This time he acted as a stand for a N.A.S.C.A.R. condiment machine, but got fired when Henry P. Smellyfut thought he was ugly. He was finally transferred to Universe Hosptial Center, and is housed in a soundproof room. The people who come to see him are forced to stand outside, because as soon as he got into the hospital, the pitch and volume of his "Hai"-ing and groaing grew higher and louder until unbearable. Later Life Lego Shizzletomynizzleveryoneintheworldissmarterthanthisguyhai is still living at the Universe. Not many come to visit him, but he is happy. Update Lego Shizzletomynizzleveryoneintheworldissmarterthanthisguyhai died on December 13, 2012, 7987 years after time started flowing backwards for no reason. He was killed when he finally did something other than say "Hai" in Japanese and with pain and groan from the pain of saying "Hai"- he heard himself say "Hai" in Japanese and with pain and groan from the pain of saying "Hai." He then figured out that it sounded horrible, and melted into spray cheese. His funeral was attended by Henry P. Smellyfut, Officer Nurse, Officer Fat Nurse, and NBA, who attempted to play a funeral march but ended up with "Is That Thing My Mailbox?". The funeral was then disbanded, leaving the pile of spray cheese Lego to be eaten by some pigeons.